Letting go... a bit

Today we left A in child-care for the first time. We took her to the nursery at our Boston church before the service started. We'd been thinking about it for weeks, but somehow, we couldn't quite face it. But then last week, A was so noisy in church (she is currently enjoying shrieking a lot) that we couldn't concentrate and spent the whole time entertaining her. So we knew it was time to bite the bullet.

The nursery itself was huge and had a special room for smaller babies, with cots, some 'exersaucers' and lots of toys. A got a name-badge, and we were given a bleeper like you receive at restaurants to tell you when your table's ready.... but in this case, it tells you when your child is having a nuclear meltdown.

Rather than just leaving immediately, we decided we wanted to help her get used to her new surroundings - which meant we hung around feeling anxious, while A played with the toys.

B helpfully pointed out that if she didn't cry while we were gone, I would be upset.... and if she did cry, I would be upset.

After a bit, a nursery worker came in. I described A's eating and sleeping habits. Should I write it down in case she forgot?

"No, I've got it thanks. Can I hold her now?"

Our baby smiled as she was picked up. The head of the nursery had been watching us from the hallway. Now she came in and said "Feel free to make the break."

So we kissed A goodbye and headed downstairs to the service. She was smiling when we left.

We kept an eye on the bleeper all through the service. But it didn't go off, and when we went back to collect A 90 minutes later, she was still happy.

Suddenly, I was pleased. She wasn't clingy or frightened, she was secure and sociable. It was her first of many steps towards independence - and already such a long way from the tiny little newborn who couldn't even fall asleep withour our help.